What was that all about??

Well had coffee and nothing really.  He looked exactly the same, if he had been trying to impress me he didn't try very hard.  I can't see that going anywhere really!  So not really sure what exactly it was all about.
On a lighter note - well not really - I have lost my iPhone.  Bloody angry about that!!  Was with me one minute and not the next.  Don't know if I dropped it, if it was picked up by someone.  I have tried to ring it but it is going to voicemail immediately which is odd.  Have spoken to my carrier and they have stopped the number and rang my insurance company and they will cover it (phew).  But it has everything in there!!!  Uggh, why didn't I start using iCloud when I was going to????

Looking Back

Late last year I developed depression along with Ross River Virus.  The months between October and May this year were hard work. Although I didn't take any time off work (single mother syndrome vs high rental), I really don't remember much of the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012.  I remember going to my brother's 40th in March, but I don't remember my daughter's birthday in March.  I have little recollection of Christmas, New Year, or anything really.
I do remember having a boyfriend in October though, and yet when I started to get better in April he wasn't around.  I actually have no idea what happened there.  I must admit, it wasn't a relationship that had an awful lot of substance given our individual situation (single mum, part-time dad, inner city chick, outer suburb cowboy) however it was nice to have someone who took me out, rang (actually no - texted) me occassionally, and generally having a +1.

I have always struggled to 'give'.  Emotionally give.  I can help you with all sorts of practical things, however the lovey dovey stuff I really struggle with.  Since having my daughter I have got better.  Being a Scorpio I also have an overriding desire to be in control, yet the woman in me wants to be looked after.  Such contrasts.
What this post is mainly about is - he has called (actually no - texted) and wants to meet for coffee.  So I have said yes and we are meeting tomorrow afternoon......will let you know how it goes.

Clean Eating

So I struggle with clean eating.  Having a lap band does make it more difficult to eat properly, three meals a day, lots of water, etc. etc.  But I am definitely one of those people that uses food to cope with life.  The list below is from http://zenhabits.net/

Some examples of how we use food to cope:

• We eat when we’re stressed. I need to find different ways of coping with stress.
• We eat when we’re sad or depressed. I must develop better stratergies for when I am sad
• We eat as a reward, when we’ve done something good. I am not a dog - must stop
• We eat to socialize. Used to think this about alcohol too, but have been managing.  Perhaps suggest different things to do socially other than food (go for a walk etc.)
• We eat because we’re bored. Oh yes!!!
• We eat for pleasure. God yes!  Even wtih the band I can still taste everything and it is good!
• We eat for love. We often equate food with love (our moms might have given us food lovingly as kids, or our lover used it to romance us), and so eating becomes a substitute for love. Where will we find love instead? Very bad habit of mine and really need to change it aroudn the home front!!

So the site then went on to suggest some stratergies that have worked for them.  I must say that they all make sense and I have bit by bit been incorporating them into my habits.

• Exercise – a great way to deal with stress, boredom, anger. That ticks off a few of the list above
• Meditation – excellent way of learning to deal with all of our emotions. More so trying relaxation techiques at the moment
• Tea – also great for stress, boredom, anger, but for me a great reward and source of pleasure. Really am enjoing my T2 tea collection
• People – I’ve learned to get my love from friends and family, and to use them as ways of dealing with my tougher emotions — talking with them, working out with them, simply spending time with them. Struggle with this one.  We are all busy and I find it hard to pick up the phone and admit that I am not coping
• Cleaning – decluttering, mindful sweeping, mindful wiping things down with a rag (TM). A great way to mindfully deal with stress, boredom, anger, etc. At first I thought they meant housework, but it is more so mindwork (phew)!
• Solitude – I’ve found solitude a great way to deal with tougher emotions (you learn to work out your problems instead of avoiding them by eating food), and solitude can be a reward as well. I have been making time for this lately and reading, which has been great and means that I am getting to bookclub each month and have actually read the books!!  Not really 'dealing with tougher emotions' I know but it is still time by myself!!

So just like getting back into the habit of exercise, I really need to get a habit of clean eating happening.  It can be done.

  V's